Conversations to connect!

I am currently in a program about how do we have conversations to connect, truly connect.  It also reminds me of the many sessions I have had using NVC (non-violent communication).  The premise of this work by Marshall Rosenburg, through my filter, is that we all have needs and feelings and when they are not honored we can become cranky and disconnect from each other.  

Another way of saying this is when we feel threatened by even just words or looks from someone sitting across the table from us, very unconsciously we begin to get into our protective personalities which run, fight, or freeze.  And this can be just from words they say or a look they give, not even an actual physical threat!

I have learned that my good intentions can have a bad impact!  Think about this in your own life.  Where have you meant to do good only to find out that was not the impact.

Here is a quote from Pentagon Spokesman Robert McCloskey during a press briefing about the Vietnam war : ” I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realized that what your heard is not what I meant.”

Conversations shape our brains and when we don’t trust others that we are having conversation with, we don’t really hear what they are saying.  We are off within just a few seconds deciding if they are safe, do I need to protect myself, am I being included or excluded and/or am I being appreciated and valued?  How much can we really hear when this is happening within our brains/minds?

Paul Zak, PhD from Claremont Graduate University, senior author of a study “Trust Hormone Associated with Happiness”, suggests that oxytocin could be the most prevalent hormone in the heart and brain, and the driving force for our need for social contact.  Once again back to that happiness thing I mentioned in the last blog!  When we feel happier we are more able to be collaborative!

So the invitation to you is, before you begin a conversation, drink from the oxytocin cocktail!!!

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”…Maya Angelou