Happy Father’s Day

I know I promised to talk more about peace and I will in the next post for sure.  However I realized that Sunday was Father’s Day!!!  I wanted to take the time to acknowledge the many varieties of Fathers out there.

I know when I was growing up, many Fathers were hands off.  At least my Father was. My Father was not at peace.   He was mostly angry.  As a kid I could not understand this and felt it was all my fault. (kids do that).

As an adult I realized that coming out of World War II, he carried and expressed himself from his traumatized self. .  As a young adult I asked him about his service in the war.  He spoke very few words “I was in a submarine , depth charges all around us, I don’t want to talk about it”.  He repeated the same story to my sister.

I put myself in his shoes.  Being in a submarine as a very young man, having these depth charges going off around you.  Rocking the ship, wondering if we were going to get hit, would I die down here?  Even now, my body tightens with fear, I hold my breath, my head goes down.

A side note: the submarine he was on, was the same one in 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and “Run Silent, Run Deep” a movie out many years.  It was his favorite, now I understand why, he was trying to heal his own pain.

My father was filled with this unresolved trauma, no wonder he “acted this out” on me and my brothers.  Nobody ever helped him resolve this.  He expressed it in the only way that made sense to him.  It was not right, however, it was the best he could do.

At the end of his life, I had so much compassion for this man who lived most of his adult life in anger, resentment and self medicating.  I understand his pain and the pain of many fathers who had open wounds from the past.  They pass this pain on, sometimes through generations.

My husband was a very different Father.  He too, was in the service, however did not have to be in combat.  He was kind, loving, patient and gentle.  He would take my daughters once a month (all we could afford then) on a date.  They loved it!!!  To this day they still talk to each other about how much that meant to them.

So on this Father’s Day, I hope you take the time to celebrate your dad, no matter what kind of father he was or is.  Sometimes the wounds cover up the love that they truly want to express.

At the very end of his life, he spoke the very words I had longed to hear  “I love you and I am proud of who you have become”!

Forgiveness is the key!!!!